Empty | corvina's Blog

  I feel empty.  Something is missing.  I've always felt empty.  From my childhood...during my teenage years...through my marriage ...and now even with the end of my marriage.  A strong belief in God up until last year did not banish away the emptiness.  I feel as empty now as I did when I still believed strongly in a personal God.  Always feeling empty...unfulfilled...lonely.  That's why I work constantly.  Always looking for something to work on.  Then the empty feeling is forgotten.  Somehow, the emptiness fades away. And when the work is over, when there's nothing left to do anymore, like now, the emptiness returns with a vengeance.  Working hard is good.  But it leaves me so tired that, sometimes, I feel I have no life anymore.  It's all just work work work followed by this hollow feeling, this emptiness.  I am strong enough to fight it and to simply not acknowledge it.  I can will myself to not feel empty.  But when it comes down to the nitty gritty, when I confront myself without any masks on, I know and I can feel the emptiness inside of me.

I have two wonderful daughters.  We share many good times together.  Still, at the end of the day, when no work is left to be done and when I can finally breathe for myself, I feel the emptiness.  At this point, I am tending to think that this emptiness can only be eradicated by a soul mate.  For this emptiness is actually incompleteness, and so I need that someone who can complete me and I, him. But is there such a one?